If I had three wishes that would really come true My first one would be to beat dad to the loo. I’m sure he eats something that’s different from me. How else could that smell that’s from hell come to be? Of course ALL poo smells; can’t argue with that But this smell would pole-axe …
Author Archives: stevecjblakesley
Flood Response
You may have seen the pictures Of wading cows and sheep And wondered how a farmer Can cope with floods that deep I know some farms diversify But now I’ve seen it all Pigs are learning breast stroke And chickens the front crawl Dogs do doggy paddle And ducks have always swum But cows don’t …
Corps de Ballet
You can’t tell them apart Each a martyr to their art Manifold sore toes And muscular torsos Aspiring learners Become modest earners Growing from duckling to swan Yet ambition’s long gone. Auditioned Sylphide But did not succeed Also Coppelia Ended in failure Never staged alone She’s always the clone Her amazing grace Her identical face …
Diet
My day is a minefield of temptations. Breakfast is oatmeal and yoghurt and fruit. See, I start each day with good intentions Then, come summer, I will fit my swimsuit But Mephistopheles has a biscuit And I run a Cadbury gauntlet paying for fuel Try your birthday cake- but dare I risk it? Each calorific …
Doughnut
You can’t eat a doughnut delicately. Sugared lips demand repeated sweeps Of your pasty sticky tongue. And thick red nectar squirts or drips No matter how you turn This golden speckled feast. So that, jam stained As a voracious three year old, You self consciously Lick and slurp the errant filling From embarrassed fingers.
Are there angels?
In your desperate plight When the world has gone black, And you scrabble to get a grip on your situation And can’t get one… You might pray for help Even if God is an imaginary friend And praying is reverting to a childlike state You still might pray. And here’s the thing, God sends his …
Treading Carefully
The cheery Aussie border guards insist You’ve cleaned your worn-out shoes; you have not missed Some hidden sodden clod from mountain trails High up in some remoter part of Wales There are no exceptions; it’s his duty To ban soil from other lands of natural beauty. Cambrian hills of peaty purity Cut no ice with …
Trust Me
My name is Doctor Shipman I’m here to ease your pain I hear you’ve not been well at all And me- I’m quite insane. I see you’ve had a birthday You’re seventy is that so? You’re really getting on a bit. I fear you’ll have to go I don’t suppose you’ve made a will But …
Clutter
Clutter and more clutter I mutter Stuff More than enough Items that may One day Be of use Rattle around l o o s e In BOXES and bags All miexd up Order aborted Nothing sorted So little space I have to face it. I’m a (hoarder) But I can’t afford a Bigger place. Steve …
Crappily Ever After
According to NASA, our planet so great Has a mass of 6 billion, trillion tons, give or take. And although that is truly a quite massive figure Our planet, the Earth is NOT getting bigger Which means in the end that Malthus was right. We can’t keep on growing, as we once thought, we might. …
Taid of Life 