The A220 aircraft

 Cruised through the stratosphere

But passengers in transit

Had heard of a new idea

For miles below at Heathrow

The atmospheric pressure

Was higher than it was onboard

And nicer and much fresher.

They had a referendum

To open up all the doors

Remove this cabin pressure

Some passengers clap applause.

If given independence

They’d get air from outside

Dictated to by cabin crew

Such rules they can’t abide.

The captain tried to argue

Outside they’d not survive

The cabin pressure had to be

To keep them all alive.

That was clearly rubbish

Trains don’t pressurize

Nor do our cars or buses

We’re sick of all your lies.

Both sides explained to passengers

And both were quite emphatic

This vote would change their lives a lot

But it was democratic.

They counted out the votes each way

Doors open polled fifty two

Doors staying closed just forty eight

This shocked the whole flight crew

But two back in the galley

And one deranged technician

Thought the air outside was good

And now they had permission

The passengers had decided

Closed door guys, let them bleat

We’re going to open all the doors

At twenty thousand feet.

The captain tried for compromise

Perhaps we’ll just land first

But openers they shouted back

Your cabin pressure’s cursed.

Traffic control were gob smacked

Who gave passengers a vote?

Even if you land at sea,

How d’you know you’ll float?

They chose a brand-new captain

The last one  knew she was losing.

This new man was bright and blonde

And generally amusing.

“Oh come on, just get on with it,”

The passengers all cried

“Open all the blooming doors

Let democracy decide.”

© Steve Blakesley 19/10/19

Welcome to the Repair Shop

And what have you brought us today?

Ah yes, I’ve got this old economy thing

It’s broken so what can I say.

Oh dear I see it’s had better days

Has it been in your family long?

I got it by general election

But it seems it’s all gone wrong.

Well I see it has virus damage

And its debt has grown quite large

Ah yes I know; not my fault

Do you think I’m really in charge?

But I want this Kingdom United

Much better when we are unhitched

I’m flying by the seat of my trousers…

Yes, I can see they’re coming unstitched

I’m hoping you repair shop chappies

Can do something to pull us together

But you’re asking too much dear Boris

We work more with clockwork and leather.

Steve Blakesley © October 2020

Out in the open air

I take a backward step.

You approach persistently

Yes, can we be social distantly?

Yes, nice to see you, but

Yes, with your DIY haircut

It’s not occurred to you yet

As I take a backward step

Yes, I heard what old Trump said

Falling numbers of Covid dead

Have you been tested by any chance?

Just asking as we do this awkward dance.

8-7-20 © Steve Blakesley

It’s disgusting, this scamdemic,

No one knows if nothing’s true.

Jobs have gone, and everyone’s on Pernod.

Well that’s no good is it?

And keeping your social resistance?

Can’t whisper confidentialities no more, can you?

Play at home, protect the NHS and shave lives

Doesn’t sound right to me.

The pub is shut

And everyone looks like a bank robber.

All those poor souls on incubators

And the rest without toilet paper

And all because of pile stocking.

So, we’ll paint rainbows

And give all the doctors and nurses the clap.

Because we are grateful.

Steve Blakesley © July 2020

When will our leaders realise

They can, no longer feed us lies

The spin, the half-truth won’t inspire us

If it ignores the Covid virus

They have developed a reliance

On simply saying “we’re doing the science.”

No straight answers if you ask

Should I wear some sort of mask?

Can we do the social distance

If we use the tube for instance?

Then there’s vaccines- what’s your take

On quite how long they’ll take to make?

And “Stay Alert”, what does that mean

Keep two metres, keep hands clean?

Is that what we’re meant to do?

Well if that’s so, it’s nothing new.

And why does testing take so long

In nursing homes, that just seems wrong

I’d love to trust the group called SAGE

But each decision takes an age.

And even when they deign tell us

You have to ask these boffin fellers

Do they know or do they guess

The way to free us from this mess?

Black lives matter is now our cry

Blow social distance, do or die

Second guess dead saints and kings

So, let us see what Brexit brings?

Steve Blakesley © June 2020

The lily and the daffodil, the tea rose and lobelia

Were innocent and happy when along came social media,

Someone gave the rose a phone which set a precedent

And seeing her selfie, other blooms felt less than confident

Flowers should not compare themselves but now the harm’s been done

Lily smirked at snowdrops kit, saying he was better hung,

The bluebells are so pretty and waft a lovely scent

But a jealous crocus sneered “All your stalks are bent.”

Nasturtiums and the foxglove are now at loggerheads

Shouting as to who is best in other garden beds.

What idiot thought to give them phones, and urged them gild the lily?

All are truly beautiful;  comparison is silly.

© Steve Blakesley March 2020

God sent me a message to show we still have worth
Gather two of every kind of people on the Earth
Russians and Australians, Chinese and the Ghurkas
Artists, bankers, unemployed and actors from the circus.
Don’t forget a pair of Shirr and of course the Sunni
Include the dour and bleak of heart, and stand-ups who are funny
We will need the anorexic, the morbidly obese
We’ll need a pair of criminals, and a matching set of police.
Can you find two Jedi, two vicars and two nuns?
We’ll need two squabbling daughters, two aggravating sons
Please hurry all of you to follow this instruction
The ark is here to save us from our mutual destruction.
But when I’d found a pair of each, so when my task was done
I found I had seven billion for I had everyone.
The ark is here, it is the Earth and it can save us all
But don’t forget it’s fragile and relatively small.
Steve Blakesley © 2020

Out there, not in my here and now, there might be

Climate change

We choose not to notice the climate

As we endlessly discuss the weather.

Floods are clearly caused by those in charge

Who will not invest in a tidal barrage.

And snowstorms come from across the Atlantic

Or the Artic – we didn’t start it.

And arid desert homes suck harder on ground water.

Simple solution, just dig deeper

Everyone lives, no grim reaper

This is our game- find out who is to blame?

Tell me that, and I will protest as will all the rest.

Until something is done about it

We’ll shout about it

Blame the EU, as you do

Blame the Chinese for the weather

And the Russians for good measure

THEY will sort it, I’m hoping

I beg your pardon?

My fault?

You’ve GOT to be joking!

I saw you in your sleigh today….    again

And I told you what I wanted…..    again

But I’m writing it as well, because your memory isn’t what it was.

You see, that was the 3^rd time we met this year.

I said I wanted Lego Boost

And you said, “What just lemon juice?”

So I had to shout.

Twice

Embarrassing really in the middle of Liverpool One

Have you thought of hearing aids?

No one would see them under your whiskers.

Like I said, it was the 3^rd time we met- and you couldn’t remember.

It’s a bit worrying really.

My Nan is the same.

Mum says it’s Alzheimer’s or something.

Is that what you’ve got?

Alzheimer’s ?

You can’t go into a home- like a care home I mean

They’d never let you out on Christmas Eve

You have to remember the code on the door.

But I expect you could just magic that.

Anyways, it’s a Lego Boost I need Santa

It’s the geekiest present I’ve ever asked for.

Now all of Liverpool One think I’m a nerd or something.

You take care now.

And don’t forget what I said about them hearing aids.

Merry Christmas

From Liam.